Let’s make something beautiful with the mess we’ve made,
And we should dance with the trash left out on the street
Running through the night, maybe we were too afraid
To make some lemonade,
Out of burned out dreams and smelly lunchmeat.
Let’s make something beautiful with the mess we’ve made.
We should take this song, that has been overplayed,
And the remembrance of the past and make it sweet.
Running though the night, maybe we were too afraid
To rebuilt this burned out arcade
(not completed....)
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Great job on your poem. I can clearly see the imagery in there. I like the earth day-ish feel to the poem and the message the poem gives. If this poem was an animal, it would be a dog because it comforts all of the bad, because we know that we can do good. I also like how your rhyms are not that similar. Great job, I hope this poem turns out great.
ReplyDeleteIf I could compare this to an animal, I would say it was fox. It seems sort of cruel truth, but has a sweet side. Does that make sense? Well, you know me, I don't make sense anyways. My favorite line is "Running through the night, maybe we were too afraid" because it can apply to so many things, even outside of this poem.
ReplyDeleteKristen,
ReplyDeleteI agree with both Grace and Aditi. I like the sort of "let's fix it" attitude of the poem. I would say that you should continue in this way, but maybe the last stanza could have some sort of twist that makes the reader think a little bit. I don't know, just a suggestion. Good luck finishing it!
LUNCHMEAT!!!! lol....yeah i agree tha it is a "fix it poem thing" but alos like a sweet nothin kind of vibe, or a stolen night thing i dont konw.. the poem reminds me of the color indago...and if it was an animal it would be a toothless iquana, with rabies that has been geneticaly engineared to glow in the dark, while simontaniously eating its own tail...yeah but i definatly love the vibes, keep working !!!
ReplyDeleteThis piece sort of gives the reader hope to take on something that has no value and make it something great. The lines that I really is " We should take this song, that has been overplayed,
ReplyDeleteAnd the remembrance of the past and make it sweet." I really liked how that flowed. I really liked the theme you choose because it was unique and gives hope to the reader. I do agree with Mr.Imondi, I think you should leave the reader thinking a bit at the end. Great Job!